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It Happened Again

It happened again. A freakin gain. I cried–no bawled–over nothing. I had no reason to be upset. I’ve been having an awesome week. Going out on dates, meeting guys, etc. So why did I need to just cry? And better yet, not stop? The sadness didn’t go away no matter how much I cried my brains out. It was so bad that they sent me home with orders to shut off my phone, stay away from my laptop, cancel my date, and go to the lake and read. It helped. But I still felt crummy the next day.

What’s going on? I’m such a happy person most of the time. I’ve been taking my meds for over a month or two. I can’t have Serotonin Syndrome now, can I?

I was gonna go on here and beg you readers for help. Or to find me some help. But, I feel pretty much normal today. And I’m excited about my date tonight. I hope all this is because of my period. Which only happens four times a year. So, yeah.

I don’t know. What do you guys think? Need I be worried about it happening again?

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Posted by on June 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Power?

My counselor made an interesting point in our session today. Sometimes, when people are angry because they have no control over the situation, they go try to do something they do have control over. How does this translate to me? Let me elaborate.

I was in a situation with the assistant store manager where he pissed me off. What did I do about it? Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. I didn’t do anything. How could I? He’s my boss. I had no control over the situation. Just let him make his snide comments and berate me. This happens all the time. I get angry at the higher-ups. But there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. So what do I do to get control over a situation? I shop.

When I’m shopping, I’m using my money to buy my things. The customer is always right, so I have the power in a me-shopping situation.

I don’t wanna think about myself doing something as low as looking for power. But it could be true. I could be that low. I mean, I’m struggling so much with all the basic things. Basic emotions, basic chores. I still haven’t done my laundry, yet. I’m trying to talk into it right now. The stupid yawning isn’t helping.

Anyway. I realize there are lots of times I imagine having the power when I feel like I never will. And I never do. I always cave in and let the other person take over. It’s just easier. I hate confrontation. Usually because I think too slowly to take control of the situation. But as a shopper, it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to think. I’m still the boss.

So it can’t just be that shopping makes me happy. Because lots of times it doesn’t make me happy immediately. I’m often upset at spending the money that I don’t have. I’m not happy until later when there’s nothing more I can really do about it, anyway. There has to be more to it.

My counselor told me to let my anger out creatively. See, you might not believe it knowing me, but I have a lot of anger. I never show it. I was taught that it was wrong to do so. I was shamed for doing it. So my counselor told me to let it out in a short story. A story where the character representing me takes control of the situation. Kicks the other person’s ass. Stuff like that. Sounds good to me.

How do you let out your anger? Were you ever told that it’s wrong to let it out? Were you ever shamed for doing so?

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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