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Tag Archives: sertreline

C is for Cymbalta

Cymbalta didn’t save my life. It made my life so much better.

I was on Sertreline (Zyrtec?) for a while. I was doing just fine. I was a perfectly normal, content person. There were bad days, but they were uncommon. But one of the side-effects of Sertreline is that your libido goes down and it’s hard to orgasm. I got a boyfriend while on Sertreline, so it’s pretty easy to say I wanted the side-effects to go away before anything happened between us. Then my boyfriend and I broke up. But since I still like masturbating, and there was a possibility to do just as well on another med, I continued going off of it.

So my doctor put me on the generic of Cymbalta. It worked great, but I had a feeling it could go better. So he upped it for me. Oh, my God, guys. I am the happiest person on Earth, now! There doesn’t have to be a reason, I’m just in a good mood almost all the time! I have bad days, yes. But they’re normal-people bad days. Not depression bad days, y’know? It’s absolutely fantastic.

I have time after work today. I may write a post about my brother’s cats, whom I’m cat-sitting this week. Keep your eyes out!

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Posted by on April 3, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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The Seed

A seed of hatred and resentment for my parents has come into existence within me, and is beginning to bury itself. Why? Because these past few days have been absolutely awful. The other day, I really needed to go home from work. And what do my parents say about that? “Suck it up.”

OK, if I work to the point where I throw up at work, I think I suck things up pretty much all the time. There is such thing as a breaking point, and I hit it that day. And my parents don’t care.

Yes they do.

No, they don’t.

Of course they do.

If they cared, they would be doing research on depression. On how I’m feeling. They would listen to me. They would ask for help.

They’re doing what they think is right.

Well, they have to admit to themselves that they’re wrong and look for help. They don’t want to believe that something’s wrong with their daughter. But there is, and they have to deal with it.

My meds aren’t working. I wanted to get off Sertreline so bad. But it seems to be the only thing that actually works. I think this is one time I will allow myself to say: fml.

Things were going so great. I was in such a good mood the day I forgot my meds. Then, the three days after, I’ve been absolutely awful. The only thing that makes sense is that my body wants Sertreline.

But let’s put some good news in here. My grandmother passed away recently. I asked my mom what was going to happen to her necklace, ’cause I kinda really wanted it. Well, my grandmother was my mom’s step-mother. She had three boys of her own, though. So my mom went to the boys and asked them. It was a unanimous “yes!” So I got my grandmother’s necklace for Valentine’s day (:.

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Hey…

I stopped posting because I thought maybe I was posting too much. But now I realize it’s been seven days since I posted. So…I think I’ll post, now.

Things are going OK. I spent a morning without any energy drinks. It went well (:. The next day, I had a migraine all day. I drank an energy drink and some Pepsi trying to get caffeine in me, hoping that it was a caffeine withdrawal I was suffering. It didn’t work. So I took more asprin than I was supposed to. Don’t do that. I felt like I was going to die. Buuuuut…the migraine eventually went away! So I was able to make the trip to the B&N in the next town over for a writing group meeting. It went great! I had so much fun! And I got some writing done and some great feedback.

Today sucked. I had a bit of a headache all day despite all the caffeine I downed. But it was manageable. What sucked was that we had a visitor in the store. So my boss called me over to the register before I was even on the clock! Then when I got there, they all just walked away. It was like, “wtf did you call me over for?” So then all the little things bothered me all day. But I got three credits, baby!

So, life without Sertreline is going OK so far. But I’ve still been a little down so my counselor thinks I could have Serotonin Syndrome. That’s when I have too much Serotonin in my brain and it makes me feel down instead of up. We’ll have to see how I’m feeling in a week to figure that out.

I’m excited to get off my Abilify soon. Yes, it saved my life at school. But it’s also expanding my waistline and I don’t like that. Hopefully, once I’m off it, I’ll be able to lose weight. I hope. And then, I’ll only be on two antidepressants instead of three or four! Whee!

Well, that’s about it. I hope ya’ll have a good night!

 
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Posted by on February 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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So, I’m Sitting Here…

So, I’m sitting here on my bed, eating dry popcorn, the dog begging on the floor beside me, reflecting on today. Today was my first day at work without taking any Sertreline. Last time that happened, it was a disaster. Today? It wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t amazing. But it wasn’t awful. I got a little sad at lunch, all stuffed up and wanting all my tears (and snot) to just pour out of my face. But that could have been aggravated by my strap-connector on my bra breaking (my boobs aren’t perky anymore T_T).

Despite my decent day, if you’d ask my boss, she’d tell you I had an awful day. Lately she keeps thinking I’m upset. I don’t know why. But I have a theory. I think maybe I look and/or sound upset when I’m deep in thought and being pulled out of it. Because that’s what happened the last time she asked me what was wrong. But I don’t know. It is concerning, though. Don’t want customers (ahem, ‘members’) thinking I’m upset. Especially when I’m really not.

I finally got that full feeling so my popcorn’s put away and dog is gone. The dog doesn’t like my room because it’s such a mess. And it’s gotten worse since I cleaned it because I brought all my clothes up from the basement. There’s too many. I’ll have to donate at least two garbage bags to Goodwill :(. But I wear everything…

Why was my last paragraph about my bedroom? I thought this was a depression blog. Well, my depression has affected everything in my life, including the state of my bedroom. I’m a very messy person, but I always managed to clean my room when it needed it. Now I have absolutely no motivation to do so. Hopefully the mixture of these new meds minus the other two will help. I hope.

Well, I’m getting tired. That pretty much covers my day. Have a great night, everyone!

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Catching Up

WOW it’s been a long time since I wrote. I still get anxiety. In fact, there’s been a new development on my anxiety. Usually, I get anxiety attacks for some reason. Because something was said or done. But yesterday, I was just sitting there. Sitting there waiting for them to finish fixing my glasses. And BAM! Heart racing, sweating, can’t breathe. Out of absolutely nowhere! And I had no Xanax around, because I keep it in my work stuff. Because I only get attacks at work. Besides, Xanax isn’t working anymore, anyway. So I had to run to Kmart, buy some food, and wait it out. I bought so much food…

That’s another problem. Eating. I do nothing but eat. Eat eat eat. Food food food. I’m so fucking fat! Ugh! We decided this is because I don’t have enough sensory activities in my life. So where am I going to get sensory activities? The only thing I can think of is petting the dog. My counselor gave me a worksheet…

We’re also screwing with my meds still. I don’t want to be on Sertreline anymore because I can’t orgasm on it. Yes, that’s exactly why I don’t want to be on it. A girl’s got her needs. So now I’m on Welbutrin and it’s working beautifully. But I can’t drink on it, which really sucks. I’m at my happiest when I’m drunk. I love it so much. I’m not addicted, but it’s a definitely huge want. Then we started reducing the Sertreline and all Hell broke loose. I’m nervous to see what will happen when we take me off the Abilify D:.

Because I can no longer drink, I’m looking for other ways to let loose. Energy drinks are possible, but my body’s getting too used to them too quickly. Idk how many I’d have to drink now in order to get “high.”

Oh, and here’s a plus. Apparently I have autism, too. Because of my sensory and social issues. Yeah, I have sensory issues. Like, I can’t stand touching soft things (particularly fabrics) when my hands are all dry and/or pruny. And I tend to appreciate soft fabrics more than other people, I noticed. I guess it’s weird o_o.

So…that’s about it. I’m gonna try to post once a week, now. On -this- blog. I’ll focus on depression, but I’ll talk about other topics. Like my writing career (or therelackof). How’s that sound? Good?

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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