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Entry/Application Fees

Yknow what really posses me off? Entry/Application fees for writing contests. What kind of bullshit is that? I get that the contest people need to get that money from somewhere, but where the Hell are we supposed to get it from?  And if you think about it, writers are entering all sorts of different contests, throwing all this money all over the place. It’d be a miracle if they could actually make a profit from doing these stupid contests.
I work fulltime and I still can’t afford to enter contests right and left. And if I did, I wouldn’t have the energy for all that writing! What good are these contests if you don’t even have a chance winning, which includes making a profit and getting your name out there? I’m so done with these Damn contests and their fees. It really is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of.

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Posted by on January 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back

I haven’t written lately. But that’s because I’ve been THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH!!!~

Why? I think it’s because my meds are finally working! I’m just so happy all the time. Even when I feel like crying, I can’t cry because I’m just too happy! Though, I did cry two nights ago. And I did get over-stressed that night, too.

Why? Because I got written up for being sick.

That’s right. They wrote me up. For being sick. Technically, for calling in. But seriously, did they want me coming in constantly throwing up and shitting myself? No one could cover me that night, so I had to put up the “register closed” signs and I ran to the break room. My boss finally found me and hugged me. She promised to fight for me and the other people that got written up for stupid things, but there’s really little she can do.

This is the last straw. I’m leaving my job. I’m looking for another one. I’m done with this shitty-ass place.

Now that that’s out of the way…

I still have a really hard time with money. I spent over $200 on makeup o_o. Like, seriously, Lacey? Yes, seriously. And I’m soooooo behind on my bills. I just…want stuff… And now I look so pretty!

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Those of you still struggling with your depression, don’t give up! There IS hope for you! I promise! I thought I would never be happy again. But I am! It’s wonderful! Don’t give up!

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Power?

My counselor made an interesting point in our session today. Sometimes, when people are angry because they have no control over the situation, they go try to do something they do have control over. How does this translate to me? Let me elaborate.

I was in a situation with the assistant store manager where he pissed me off. What did I do about it? Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. I didn’t do anything. How could I? He’s my boss. I had no control over the situation. Just let him make his snide comments and berate me. This happens all the time. I get angry at the higher-ups. But there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. So what do I do to get control over a situation? I shop.

When I’m shopping, I’m using my money to buy my things. The customer is always right, so I have the power in a me-shopping situation.

I don’t wanna think about myself doing something as low as looking for power. But it could be true. I could be that low. I mean, I’m struggling so much with all the basic things. Basic emotions, basic chores. I still haven’t done my laundry, yet. I’m trying to talk into it right now. The stupid yawning isn’t helping.

Anyway. I realize there are lots of times I imagine having the power when I feel like I never will. And I never do. I always cave in and let the other person take over. It’s just easier. I hate confrontation. Usually because I think too slowly to take control of the situation. But as a shopper, it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to think. I’m still the boss.

So it can’t just be that shopping makes me happy. Because lots of times it doesn’t make me happy immediately. I’m often upset at spending the money that I don’t have. I’m not happy until later when there’s nothing more I can really do about it, anyway. There has to be more to it.

My counselor told me to let my anger out creatively. See, you might not believe it knowing me, but I have a lot of anger. I never show it. I was taught that it was wrong to do so. I was shamed for doing it. So my counselor told me to let it out in a short story. A story where the character representing me takes control of the situation. Kicks the other person’s ass. Stuff like that. Sounds good to me.

How do you let out your anger? Were you ever told that it’s wrong to let it out? Were you ever shamed for doing so?

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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