Tag Archives: medicine

On My Days Off

I love my days off. But there’s one thing about my days off that I hate. I. Can’t. Focus.

God knows I have a million and one things I want to do. I want to read, I want to write, I want to edit, I want to blog. But I sit down and start something, work on it for, like, a few minutes, then lose my focus and have to walk away. Even when I’m on my meds! Now, if I were being paid for it, I might be able to make myself focus. But this is for pleasure. So, I’m not going to make myself keep doing something when I stop feeling like it. But, why do I suddenly stop feeling like it? Even though I enjoy it thoroughly?

Then sometimes I can’t even start something because I just don’t feel like it. Like, seriously? You love doing those things, Lacey!

Then, when I’ve left my thing out of sudden disinterest, I wander around bored looking to settle my carb cravings, though trying really hard not to. Today, my mom was successful, for a couple hours, in getting me out of the house to pick up the cause of my carb cravings (medication) and some presents for international friends. Jesus, Hallmark is expensive.

Is this my ADD? Do I need my meds upped? I should ask my doctor. Because I hate spending my days off like this. Where most of the day is wandering around bored when there are a ton of entertaining things I could be and want to be doing.

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Posted by on December 2, 2014 in Uncategorized


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A is for Abilify

Abilify saved my life.

It saved my academic career.

So it saved my life.

The day Depression reared its ugly head, I had woken up unable to care enough about anything to do anything. I struggled with that for two-three days. Only barely managing to make it to class. Then I took Abilify. Oh, my God, the next morning I was actually happy again. And definitely able to do my homework.

But now?

I’m fat. So very fat. Fatter than I’ve ever been before. My doctor thinks it’s the Abilify. I want to blame the Abilify. But I don’t think I can. All I really do is eat and eat and eat. Just like I used to do before college. But now it’s more. I think because of the depression. But hopefully, if I go off the Abilify–which will happen soon–I’ll lose weight. I hope.


Posted by on April 1, 2014 in A-Z


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I’m So Happeeeeee~

I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I’m just not sure what to talk about because I’ve been so happeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~. Happy happy happy I’m the happiest person on the planet. Cymbalta, I love you. You’ve made me so freaking happy!

But I’m only generally happy. I’m not happy with my job. Did I tell you what they did? Yeah, that. So I’m looking for a new one. I’m sad to say I turned down a really good one. But it was going to be harder and less forgiving than the department store. I certainly hope I can find a good job soon. I keep getting calls from people on So I think I’ll update my profile on it and stuff. My mom also found an employment agency, instead of the temp agency I’ve been using. They don’t trust the temp agency. Though I have full faith in them. Eh, oh, well.

Also, my editing career is kinda taking off? My friend advertised me to her 4k (40k?) followers, and I got a hit! Question is, will I get another one after her? I don’t even know if the girl liked my editing or not :/. I’m pretty straight and to the point. I don’t sugar-coat things when I edit. So…yeah…

But it was fun, editing. I really enjoyed it. I hope I can do that for the rest of my life. Well, and publish my books.

My counselor wants me to do something fun. To do something that makes me feel like a kid again. I don’t wanna feel like a kid again. I’m an adult. I want to feel like an adult. She clarified herself, saying she wants me to do something that makes me feel free. I still don’t wanna do it. Unless I drink or something. It’s acceptable when you drink alcohol or do drugs. It’s what happens. But you can’t act silly and be free just for doing something normal. That doesn’t work.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to say. I hope ya’ll have a great day :D. Keep that chin up, your depression will get better someday.


Posted by on March 25, 2014 in Uncategorized


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The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back

I haven’t written lately. But that’s because I’ve been THE HAPPIEST PERSON ON EARTH!!!~

Why? I think it’s because my meds are finally working! I’m just so happy all the time. Even when I feel like crying, I can’t cry because I’m just too happy! Though, I did cry two nights ago. And I did get over-stressed that night, too.

Why? Because I got written up for being sick.

That’s right. They wrote me up. For being sick. Technically, for calling in. But seriously, did they want me coming in constantly throwing up and shitting myself? No one could cover me that night, so I had to put up the “register closed” signs and I ran to the break room. My boss finally found me and hugged me. She promised to fight for me and the other people that got written up for stupid things, but there’s really little she can do.

This is the last straw. I’m leaving my job. I’m looking for another one. I’m done with this shitty-ass place.

Now that that’s out of the way…

I still have a really hard time with money. I spent over $200 on makeup o_o. Like, seriously, Lacey? Yes, seriously. And I’m soooooo behind on my bills. I just…want stuff… And now I look so pretty!

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Those of you still struggling with your depression, don’t give up! There IS hope for you! I promise! I thought I would never be happy again. But I am! It’s wonderful! Don’t give up!

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Posted by on March 17, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Bad Girl, Lacey

So, things haven’t been going all too well. I get episodes of just wanting to cry and go home. A lot. Often. At work. So, I decided to try and balance that with a night out with a girlfriend. I have to work this morning so I planned to be home by ten. Eleven at the latest. Things didn’t go as planned.

I’m on Welbutrin, Cymbalta, and Abilify. So, I can’t drink. Buuuuuuuut~ drinking is so much freakin fun. AND it makes me happy-go-lucky wheeeeeeeeeee~. It’s a twofer. I wasn’t going to get inebriated last night. Especially because I had to drive home. But, as I said, things didn’t go as planned.

I got so, very drunk. I couldn’t see straight. I had to hold on to my friend to walk (though that was mostly because I was drunk while in these skinny little wedges). We couldn’t be happy in one place so we basically bar hopped all night.

Luckily, my friend lives nearby the bars so we went to her house and slept for like four/five hours.

God apparently has a way to punish adults what with their parents being unable to. I had left my car at the bar, of course. So I took some socks from my friend and walked in the snow about half a mile? Quarter of a mile? In just socks, leggings, a cami, and my coat. Oh, and I got rug burns because for some reason, I couldn’t walk to my friend’s bathroom. I had to crawl. And blisters, of course. But the blisters aren’t too bad.

Then I came home to a mini-lecture. I liked it, though. It showed my parents cared about me but they spoke to me like an equal. They didn’t talk down to me like they normally do. Or maybe they did. Maybe I’m just growing up and having more confidence when it comes to them. I don’t know.

So, that was last night.

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Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Uncategorized


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The Seed

A seed of hatred and resentment for my parents has come into existence within me, and is beginning to bury itself. Why? Because these past few days have been absolutely awful. The other day, I really needed to go home from work. And what do my parents say about that? “Suck it up.”

OK, if I work to the point where I throw up at work, I think I suck things up pretty much all the time. There is such thing as a breaking point, and I hit it that day. And my parents don’t care.

Yes they do.

No, they don’t.

Of course they do.

If they cared, they would be doing research on depression. On how I’m feeling. They would listen to me. They would ask for help.

They’re doing what they think is right.

Well, they have to admit to themselves that they’re wrong and look for help. They don’t want to believe that something’s wrong with their daughter. But there is, and they have to deal with it.

My meds aren’t working. I wanted to get off Sertreline so bad. But it seems to be the only thing that actually works. I think this is one time I will allow myself to say: fml.

Things were going so great. I was in such a good mood the day I forgot my meds. Then, the three days after, I’ve been absolutely awful. The only thing that makes sense is that my body wants Sertreline.

But let’s put some good news in here. My grandmother passed away recently. I asked my mom what was going to happen to her necklace, ’cause I kinda really wanted it. Well, my grandmother was my mom’s step-mother. She had three boys of her own, though. So my mom went to the boys and asked them. It was a unanimous “yes!” So I got my grandmother’s necklace for Valentine’s day (:.

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Posted by on February 18, 2014 in Uncategorized


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So, I’m Sitting Here…

So, I’m sitting here on my bed, eating dry popcorn, the dog begging on the floor beside me, reflecting on today. Today was my first day at work without taking any Sertreline. Last time that happened, it was a disaster. Today? It wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t amazing. But it wasn’t awful. I got a little sad at lunch, all stuffed up and wanting all my tears (and snot) to just pour out of my face. But that could have been aggravated by my strap-connector on my bra breaking (my boobs aren’t perky anymore T_T).

Despite my decent day, if you’d ask my boss, she’d tell you I had an awful day. Lately she keeps thinking I’m upset. I don’t know why. But I have a theory. I think maybe I look and/or sound upset when I’m deep in thought and being pulled out of it. Because that’s what happened the last time she asked me what was wrong. But I don’t know. It is concerning, though. Don’t want customers (ahem, ‘members’) thinking I’m upset. Especially when I’m really not.

I finally got that full feeling so my popcorn’s put away and dog is gone. The dog doesn’t like my room because it’s such a mess. And it’s gotten worse since I cleaned it because I brought all my clothes up from the basement. There’s too many. I’ll have to donate at least two garbage bags to Goodwill :(. But I wear everything…

Why was my last paragraph about my bedroom? I thought this was a depression blog. Well, my depression has affected everything in my life, including the state of my bedroom. I’m a very messy person, but I always managed to clean my room when it needed it. Now I have absolutely no motivation to do so. Hopefully the mixture of these new meds minus the other two will help. I hope.

Well, I’m getting tired. That pretty much covers my day. Have a great night, everyone!

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Posted by on January 29, 2014 in Uncategorized


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