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You’re a Survivor

First of all, I know, I know, I know. It’s been forEVAR since I posted. Sorry. But this is on my mind right now, at 4:30am, and I can’t sleep, anyway. So, here it is.

So, I know this woman who was attacked maybe a year and a half ago or so. When she told me about it a couple months ago, she said something that worried me. And I wish I had said something then, but I think I might print this out and have her read it when she’s alone. If anyone reading this thinks that’s a good idea, let me know in the comments after reading. Or if you think it’s a bad idea. Just let me know your thoughts.

Anyway, she said, “Yeah, it’s embarrassing, but…” I thought, ‘Embarrassing? Oh, sweetie.’ See, you gotta see how I view it. This woman has survived what many people have not. She is thriving, yes, thriving in spite of what happened to her. And so are you, reader. You are stronger than you were before. Look how far you’ve come from that horrible act done upon you. Look how much you’ve succeeded in bringing yourself back to normalcy. No, you will never be the same as before. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t going back to normalcy.

As an outsider and an acquaintance, it looks like this woman has already come back to normalcy. In just a year! That’s unbelievable, imo. I never would have guessed that she had ever experienced that. It’s something to celebrate.

I was never physically attacked. But I was emotionally destroyed. Long story short, I was made to see my entire future burn before my eyes (metaphorically). And was told, “It’s not burning. It’s going in a different direction.” Bullshit. My world came crashing down and I fell into depression and overeating. It’s been three years and I’m still not back to normalcy. My meds still aren’t fully figured out and I’m fat as fuck.

But, I am a survivor. Like you, I have fought against the desire to hurt myself. The desire to treat myself like shit. We’re not perfect at it, I know. We have bad days. We have days where we break our stand and give up. But, if you’re reading this, know that we have never given up entirely. You and I, us survivors, we’ve made it through this far. You may have a long way to go, but look how far you’ve come.

I hope these words have helped you, reader. And I think they may help the woman I know. But I don’t want to dig up the past on her, either. If she’s embarrassed, she might be embarrassed to know that I think about it, and her, every now and again. BUT I’m a nice person and that niceness inside me just wants spill over and give her something to smile about. To help her change her view about herself, maybe. Idk, what do you guys think?

PS, if you ever need someone to talk to, e-mail me. laitiegrl@hotmail.com. It may take me a while to get back to you, but I will.

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Posted by on June 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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How Am I Supposed to Promote Myself?

I’m trying to get my editing business off the ground. Especially considering I totally can’t handle a real job anymore (dear God, that’s a whole other story). I’ve got recommendations and examples of my editing out the wazoo and do so much free editing of fanfiction I can barely stand it. So how am I supposed to promote myself?

Facebook? Haha, you’re funny. None of the groups will let you promote yourself. They only let you recommend other people. Like, what? How does that make any sense? I’m good at what I do and I have proof of it that I -will- give you FOR FREE before you decide to choose me or not. My rates are high but think about what I’m doing for you and the labor I’m putting in. I’m editing, proofreading, and critiquing. All at once. If not twice. Honestly? A penny a word is not that bad. AND I’m always open to giving discounts and/or exchanges in services. I’m a writer, too, and need my own editor.

So, nope, I have to pay to be on that annoying sidebar. 1. I has no monies. That’s kinda the whole point of this. To earn monies. 2. Who’s going to click on that sidebar and choose me? I never even pay attention to the sidebars.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do you have any ideas? Can you help a girl out? Please?

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Eat, Eat, Eat, Eat, Eat

All I do is eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. Seriously. Sometimes, it gets to the point where I’m force-feeding myself. Why? Because I have Asperger’s.

With my Asperger’s, I’m big on how things feel, physically and emotionally. And the physical and emotional often connect. I’ll get bored, or I’ll just get cravings, and nothing will satisfy me except eating whatever I’m craving. And that craving will be: chocolate, carbs, something-unhealthy-besides-chocolate, something-unhealthy-maybe-chocolate, hard-candy-like-lollipops, you get the idea. BTW, those are literally the words that go through my head when I’m craving.

I’ve tried doing other sensational things (or whatever the word is) before eating, to try and trick my brain into not wanting to eat anymore. Like petting the dog. I love petting the dog. But even that doesn’t compare to eating.

See, eating feels so good. Taste feels so good. Like, really freaking good. Imagine your favorite food, ever, of all time. Now multiply that sensation and satisfaction by ten. That’s probably what my least-favorite-but-still-like-it food does to me. I mean, I’m no shrink, but that’s what I’m guessing considering how freaking easy it is for everyone else to give up food compared to me. I. Can’t. Do. It.

“Oh, just do smaller portions.”

Where the fuck is the satisfaction in that?

I seriously want to cry right now. I just force-fed myself two PB&J sandwiches because I was just craving carbs. My mouth just wanted to chew something soft like that and my tongue just wanted to taste something nice like that (but, dear God, don’t suggest chewing fabric. I can’t stand fabric in my mouth. Bread and fabric are different. Idk how, but they are). I can never get enough. Even when my stomach is ready to burst.

I have no control. I used to have control. It used to be so much easier. Then I got depression and all went to Hell. Please, is there anyone that can help me?

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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On My Days Off

I love my days off. But there’s one thing about my days off that I hate. I. Can’t. Focus.

God knows I have a million and one things I want to do. I want to read, I want to write, I want to edit, I want to blog. But I sit down and start something, work on it for, like, a few minutes, then lose my focus and have to walk away. Even when I’m on my meds! Now, if I were being paid for it, I might be able to make myself focus. But this is for pleasure. So, I’m not going to make myself keep doing something when I stop feeling like it. But, why do I suddenly stop feeling like it? Even though I enjoy it thoroughly?

Then sometimes I can’t even start something because I just don’t feel like it. Like, seriously? You love doing those things, Lacey!

Then, when I’ve left my thing out of sudden disinterest, I wander around bored looking to settle my carb cravings, though trying really hard not to. Today, my mom was successful, for a couple hours, in getting me out of the house to pick up the cause of my carb cravings (medication) and some presents for international friends. Jesus, Hallmark is expensive.

Is this my ADD? Do I need my meds upped? I should ask my doctor. Because I hate spending my days off like this. Where most of the day is wandering around bored when there are a ton of entertaining things I could be and want to be doing.

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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I Doth Not Comprehend. NSFW

Having Asperger’s, there are things I don’t comprehend about other people. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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I Have Depression

One very important thing to do when you have depression is to admit you have depression. Well, luckily, I have no problem with that. It was hard for me to believe at first, but I learned quick.

A lot has come with my depression. My anxiety went through the roof. And when I’m too tired of being anxious, I get apathetic (this means I do not care about anything, to a very extreme point). I started getting really upset over the stupidest things. I started rocking back and forth to stimulate myself. I developed a shopping problem because shopping and drinking are the only things that make me truly happy.

I have depression. This does not define me. It is not all that I am. It is something that I have to deal with. I have to live with. I’m here to let my issues out in blog form. But I’m also here to help you guys out. Depression does not define you. You are not your depression. You can beat your depression down to the ground. You just have to work at it. I’ll help you.

Best of luck, and all my luv,
~Lacey

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2012 in Depression

 

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