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I Hope She’s Happy

Long story/rant ahead.

I’m 25 years old.

I had this best friend for 12+ years. Ever since seventh grade. We’ll call her K. She was in a car accident as a baby, so has a Traumatic Brain Injury (I’m gonna refer to it as TBI). Because of this, she’s not the brightest. Kinda really gullible. Apt to make bad choices and wrong decisions. People always teased her or hated her or both. So I’ve always been very protective of her. People would call her name in the hall and I would turn, wondering what the heck they wanted with my K. I’ve been by her side constantly. No matter what.

Her family’s kinda fucked up. Another reason I was always there for her. Her mother is batshit, and put my family through Hell. But I was still by K’s side.

When every single person in the world turned their backs on her, I was at her side.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m not full of myself. But with my loyalty, I know that I am pretty fuckin’ awesome.

OK. So what am I going to rant about?

My boyfriend, LR, has very few friends around home. Literally, like, two. They’re a married couple, Sh (the woman) and D (the man). Soon after I met them, K was mentioned. K knows them because of the following situation: T went to high school with me and K. T is Sh’s brother. Obvs, D is T’s brother-in-law. So, K’s name was eventually brought up. Either Sh or LR or both told me at one point, “Oh, yeah, K, she tried to hook up with D once.” I was under the impression that K had tried to hook up with him while he was married. After the fiasco I’m going to tell you about, I learned that they were not married at the time. However, they were still a couple at the time.

Being the good, loyal friend I am, I thought I should tell K this awful rumor about her. At the same time, she was having a fight with this girl, C. I was mad at C, too, because I was reading the text messages between them and C was being ridiculous. K wanted to go to C’s house and yell at her. But I firmly said “no” many times. I told K to leave these things be.

Now, strike 1 for K. She then told me that she had screenshot a private convo between me and her and sent it to C, in which I called C a “stupid bitch.” As mad as I was at C, she was still my friend. Well, now C will never talk to me again. I was pretty pissed. But K coulda done worse. And, dear God, she certainly did.

That was when I told K about the rumor. She cried, blocked ppl on fb, etc. I was there to comfort her until she was sufficiently distracted. The next day, I’m at work, and LR texts me. “D just txted me, askin who started a rumor about he & K hookin up…?…” I rounded on K.

“Who did you tell about the rumor about you and D?”

She said she had called T. She wanted to get to the bottom of it and confront whoever had started it. I told her that she should have left it alone, that now she was starting drama, and now I was in trouble with LR’s only friends that matter. Oh, and, as I didn’t know until after the fiasco, she had called T IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! She went on about how she had to stand up for herself and she was sick of people starting rumors and calling her names. I remind her that she got me in trouble with LR’s friends. She completely disregarded me. That was when I learned that D forgave me and understood that it was just K starting drama. I told K that we were damn lucky that D forgave me.

Strike two for K. She then starts to wonder why I had to apologize. It obvs had nothing to do with the fact that I told her the thing that started her on her drama llama venture. (That was sarcasm). She suddenly asks me if I lied to her the day before and started the rumor myself. Something in her gut told her I did. First I said “No.” Then, as I was typing another reply, she says, “OK I believe you.” I send something like, “Why would I do that?” She goes, “It’s just that you never own up to your mistakes, R, and you have to start. See? You’re avoiding the question.”

I told her no, I already answered it.

She ends with “OK, I believe you.” I left it at that. To think that I, of all people, would ever do that to her.

The next morning (or maybe it was that night but I was asleep), completely unprompted, she sends an apology. She says she really felt like an asshole. I left it for a couple hours. Asked LR’s advice. He basically told me to just forget her. But it was a really heartfelt apology without any prompting. So I went for the bait.

But I reminded her that she had put me in trouble with LR’s friends. She tried to insist that she didn’t know his friends until I finally, thoroughly explained who they are. Then she rounds her attack.

Final strike for K. The mother of all betrayals. She says something like, “I heard from this person who heard from that person that four years ago at T’s party you talked shit about me.” I barely got to say that I don’t even remember those people before she blocked me, saying I only hang with her whenever it’s convenient for me. Obvs it has nothing to do with the fact that I have a full-time job, I volunteer many hours editing fanfiction, and would like to spend time with my boyfriend (LR) whenever I actually have the time to (that’s sarcasm).

After everything I’ve ever done and tried to do for her, she throws me away in a temper tantrum. The only real friend she ever had.

She’s going to come crawling back eventually. She always does. But I’m not going to let her back in. Ever. I’m not God, I’m not Jesus, I can’t forgive people who do something like that to me or people close to me. I’m done with K. For good. She done fucked up and lost her only real friend she ever had forever. The one with the loyalty like a dog.

I hope she’s fuckin’ happy.

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Posted by on August 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Why I’m Covering My Hair Tomorrow

Cover Your Locks for Love

I’m not Jewish. Nor am I married. But I asked my Jewish friend, and was assured that I could still do this for her father, Yakov Ezra ben Regina. Her family is Jewish, and her father has been in a coma for almost two years. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, and thinking about how to make work let me do this, the nay-saying part of my brain came up with some pretty good questions.

Do you believe this will help?
I don’t really know.

Do you believe in the religion?
I mean, I don’t know enough about it. But I respect it.

How can this help if you don’t believe in it?
I hope it does help. If not, it doesn’t hurt to do something this harmless when someone you care about believes it will. But I really, really hope it’ll help.

She didn’t ask YOU to do it. It’s for married, Jewish women. Besides, covering your hair is totally against what YOU believe in, isn’t it?
I don’t know if it’s against what I believe in as a feminist. BUT I’m doing it in honor and out of respect for her, her father, and the Jewish community. And I’m partly hoping that it’ll start a conversation and make people aware of, not only a man in need of prayers, but of acceptance and embrace-ment of other cultures, religions, beliefs, etc.

You never even met him.
I don’t have to. He’s M’s father. He raised a wonderful woman. And they both deserve to spend more time together and with her brother.

All in all, this is all about Yakov Ezra ben Regina. I want him to get well. And I will do all I can to honor and help that man. Readers, I ask you to pray for him. In whatever way you pray, whomever you pray to, please, include him in your prayers. Thank you.

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Things are Going Well

Quick update from my (New!) phone. Things have been going great lately.
First off, I got a new (free!) phone that I absolutely fell in love with. It’s really big, which I don’t like, but that’s a decent trade-off for the fun fonts, massive storage, more cases, massive storage, voice-activated camera, massive storage, and did I mention the massive storage? I have a ton of apps and still haven’t used 30% of my storage.
I got employee of the month at work. I got nominated by 2(!) separate managers and, dude, I got it! I got a neat pin and, what I’m most stoked about, I’m getting a free embroidered shirt!
One of my best friends evar is coming over on Wednesday. I’m beyond stoked. I haven’t seen her in forever and I really miss her. And my brother-in-law just shared his Netflix with us, so it’ll be frosting and full metal alchemist brotherhood together all night. I’m stoked.
I guess that’s all I have to update y’all on. And I kinda have some work to do, now. So see y’all later!

 
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Posted by on January 10, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Dinner at My Boyfriend’s Family’s

I was invited to a dinner thing my boyfriend, L’s, mother was throwing. So I head over after work. I’m the first one there, so when the next guest arrives, I go to help L control the dogs and open the door.

What’s the first thing L’s mom’s friend, K, says to me? “Have you lost weight?”

Seriously? My weight is that important to you? That it’s the first thing you notice and feel the need to comment on? The first thing you can think of to say to me? My weight?

But whatever. It gets better.

For some reason L and I were not immediately socializing with everyone. So when we walk into the kitchen, what are L’s mom and K talking about? Weight loss.

Seriously?

…Seriously???

There are soooooo many things in the world to be talking about, and you’re talking about weight loss in front of me? No one even tried to change the subject, either. They just kept blabbing away about what has worked for this person or that person. Oh, and this worked for L’s mom, A. Because everything’s so fuckin easy peasy for A. Just do this and this and don’t do this and you’re good.

My mom tried to tell me to let it go. That it didn’t mean anything. Well, it fuckin meant something to me. It hurt. A lot. There’s so much more to people than their weight, but that’s all they care about. They don’t even know half the shit I go through in my head every day. How impossible it is to deny my super-hunger and cravings, especially on top of everything else I deal with.

And y’know what? I treat A’s son like fuckin gold. Because I want to and he deserves it. That should be all that anyone cares about.

 
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Posted by on December 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Talking about My Passions

I was on tumblr and saw a couple posts about talking to people about your passions. One talked about how sad it was that girls don’t usually do it without apologizing a lot because someone once told them that nobody cared. No one ever told me that nobody cared. No, I just knew that nobody cared. Because I grew up knowing no one liked what I liked. That I was a freak. Even among friends with the same interests, they didn’t offer time for me to go on some rave about what I liked or cared about. And to be honest, I didn’t really listen to them, either.

I remember one day, I was talking to someone about an original chacter of mine. I was so excited about her, but then I suddently stopped. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I get a little over-excited.” The woman I was talking to said I shouldn’t be sorry. She talked about how my eyes lit up and how wonderful it was.

I try to remember that, but I still don’t think anyone cares much. I never even bring anything up. I figure my book ideas, or explanations at least, are boring and people don’t want to hear about it. No one likes what I like. No one cares. People don’t want to hear it. They’re just being polite listening to me like they are.

So I guess that’s why I got used to keeping my stories inside. I don’t have this need to share my stories. I have no issue keeping them to myself. I am literally sharing them just because I want to profit from them. In more ways than one, of course. I want to actually be good at something. I want to believe that people actually do care about what I like and care about. I want a reason to rave about a character of my own. But if it were utterly impossible for me to do this, I wouldn’t be all too miserable about it. If I weren’t able to write . . . Well, maybe I would explode because I have so many feelings and opinions. But creatively? I’d be fine. Daydreaming gives me enough satisfaction.

Anyways, do you feel like you can share your passions with people? What stops you?

 
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Posted by on December 26, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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