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You’re a Survivor

First of all, I know, I know, I know. It’s been forEVAR since I posted. Sorry. But this is on my mind right now, at 4:30am, and I can’t sleep, anyway. So, here it is.

So, I know this woman who was attacked maybe a year and a half ago or so. When she told me about it a couple months ago, she said something that worried me. And I wish I had said something then, but I think I might print this out and have her read it when she’s alone. If anyone reading this thinks that’s a good idea, let me know in the comments after reading. Or if you think it’s a bad idea. Just let me know your thoughts.

Anyway, she said, “Yeah, it’s embarrassing, but…” I thought, ‘Embarrassing? Oh, sweetie.’ See, you gotta see how I view it. This woman has survived what many people have not. She is thriving, yes, thriving in spite of what happened to her. And so are you, reader. You are stronger than you were before. Look how far you’ve come from that horrible act done upon you. Look how much you’ve succeeded in bringing yourself back to normalcy. No, you will never be the same as before. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t going back to normalcy.

As an outsider and an acquaintance, it looks like this woman has already come back to normalcy. In just a year! That’s unbelievable, imo. I never would have guessed that she had ever experienced that. It’s something to celebrate.

I was never physically attacked. But I was emotionally destroyed. Long story short, I was made to see my entire future burn before my eyes (metaphorically). And was told, “It’s not burning. It’s going in a different direction.” Bullshit. My world came crashing down and I fell into depression and overeating. It’s been three years and I’m still not back to normalcy. My meds still aren’t fully figured out and I’m fat as fuck.

But, I am a survivor. Like you, I have fought against the desire to hurt myself. The desire to treat myself like shit. We’re not perfect at it, I know. We have bad days. We have days where we break our stand and give up. But, if you’re reading this, know that we have never given up entirely. You and I, us survivors, we’ve made it through this far. You may have a long way to go, but look how far you’ve come.

I hope these words have helped you, reader. And I think they may help the woman I know. But I don’t want to dig up the past on her, either. If she’s embarrassed, she might be embarrassed to know that I think about it, and her, every now and again. BUT I’m a nice person and that niceness inside me just wants spill over and give her something to smile about. To help her change her view about herself, maybe. Idk, what do you guys think?

PS, if you ever need someone to talk to, e-mail me. laitiegrl@hotmail.com. It may take me a while to get back to you, but I will.

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Posted by on June 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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I’m So Happeeeeee~

I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I’m just not sure what to talk about because I’ve been so happeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~. Happy happy happy I’m the happiest person on the planet. Cymbalta, I love you. You’ve made me so freaking happy!

But I’m only generally happy. I’m not happy with my job. Did I tell you what they did? Yeah, that. So I’m looking for a new one. I’m sad to say I turned down a really good one. But it was going to be harder and less forgiving than the department store. I certainly hope I can find a good job soon. I keep getting calls from people on Monster.com. So I think I’ll update my profile on it and stuff. My mom also found an employment agency, instead of the temp agency I’ve been using. They don’t trust the temp agency. Though I have full faith in them. Eh, oh, well.

Also, my editing career is kinda taking off? My friend advertised me to her 4k (40k?) followers, and I got a hit! Question is, will I get another one after her? I don’t even know if the girl liked my editing or not :/. I’m pretty straight and to the point. I don’t sugar-coat things when I edit. So…yeah…

But it was fun, editing. I really enjoyed it. I hope I can do that for the rest of my life. Well, and publish my books.

My counselor wants me to do something fun. To do something that makes me feel like a kid again. I don’t wanna feel like a kid again. I’m an adult. I want to feel like an adult. She clarified herself, saying she wants me to do something that makes me feel free. I still don’t wanna do it. Unless I drink or something. It’s acceptable when you drink alcohol or do drugs. It’s what happens. But you can’t act silly and be free just for doing something normal. That doesn’t work.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to say. I hope ya’ll have a great day :D. Keep that chin up, your depression will get better someday.

 
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Posted by on March 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Bad Girl, Lacey

So, things haven’t been going all too well. I get episodes of just wanting to cry and go home. A lot. Often. At work. So, I decided to try and balance that with a night out with a girlfriend. I have to work this morning so I planned to be home by ten. Eleven at the latest. Things didn’t go as planned.

I’m on Welbutrin, Cymbalta, and Abilify. So, I can’t drink. Buuuuuuuut~ drinking is so much freakin fun. AND it makes me happy-go-lucky wheeeeeeeeeee~. It’s a twofer. I wasn’t going to get inebriated last night. Especially because I had to drive home. But, as I said, things didn’t go as planned.

I got so, very drunk. I couldn’t see straight. I had to hold on to my friend to walk (though that was mostly because I was drunk while in these skinny little wedges). We couldn’t be happy in one place so we basically bar hopped all night.

Luckily, my friend lives nearby the bars so we went to her house and slept for like four/five hours.

God apparently has a way to punish adults what with their parents being unable to. I had left my car at the bar, of course. So I took some socks from my friend and walked in the snow about half a mile? Quarter of a mile? In just socks, leggings, a cami, and my coat. Oh, and I got rug burns because for some reason, I couldn’t walk to my friend’s bathroom. I had to crawl. And blisters, of course. But the blisters aren’t too bad.

Then I came home to a mini-lecture. I liked it, though. It showed my parents cared about me but they spoke to me like an equal. They didn’t talk down to me like they normally do. Or maybe they did. Maybe I’m just growing up and having more confidence when it comes to them. I don’t know.

So, that was last night.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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