RSS

Tag Archives: adulthood

I Hope She’s Happy

Long story/rant ahead.

I’m 25 years old.

I had this best friend for 12+ years. Ever since seventh grade. We’ll call her K. She was in a car accident as a baby, so has a Traumatic Brain Injury (I’m gonna refer to it as TBI). Because of this, she’s not the brightest. Kinda really gullible. Apt to make bad choices and wrong decisions. People always teased her or hated her or both. So I’ve always been very protective of her. People would call her name in the hall and I would turn, wondering what the heck they wanted with my K. I’ve been by her side constantly. No matter what.

Her family’s kinda fucked up. Another reason I was always there for her. Her mother is batshit, and put my family through Hell. But I was still by K’s side.

When every single person in the world turned their backs on her, I was at her side.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m not full of myself. But with my loyalty, I know that I am pretty fuckin’ awesome.

OK. So what am I going to rant about?

My boyfriend, LR, has very few friends around home. Literally, like, two. They’re a married couple, Sh (the woman) and D (the man). Soon after I met them, K was mentioned. K knows them because of the following situation: T went to high school with me and K. T is Sh’s brother. Obvs, D is T’s brother-in-law. So, K’s name was eventually brought up. Either Sh or LR or both told me at one point, “Oh, yeah, K, she tried to hook up with D once.” I was under the impression that K had tried to hook up with him while he was married. After the fiasco I’m going to tell you about, I learned that they were not married at the time. However, they were still a couple at the time.

Being the good, loyal friend I am, I thought I should tell K this awful rumor about her. At the same time, she was having a fight with this girl, C. I was mad at C, too, because I was reading the text messages between them and C was being ridiculous. K wanted to go to C’s house and yell at her. But I firmly said “no” many times. I told K to leave these things be.

Now, strike 1 for K. She then told me that she had screenshot a private convo between me and her and sent it to C, in which I called C a “stupid bitch.” As mad as I was at C, she was still my friend. Well, now C will never talk to me again. I was pretty pissed. But K coulda done worse. And, dear God, she certainly did.

That was when I told K about the rumor. She cried, blocked ppl on fb, etc. I was there to comfort her until she was sufficiently distracted. The next day, I’m at work, and LR texts me. “D just txted me, askin who started a rumor about he & K hookin up…?…” I rounded on K.

“Who did you tell about the rumor about you and D?”

She said she had called T. She wanted to get to the bottom of it and confront whoever had started it. I told her that she should have left it alone, that now she was starting drama, and now I was in trouble with LR’s only friends that matter. Oh, and, as I didn’t know until after the fiasco, she had called T IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! She went on about how she had to stand up for herself and she was sick of people starting rumors and calling her names. I remind her that she got me in trouble with LR’s friends. She completely disregarded me. That was when I learned that D forgave me and understood that it was just K starting drama. I told K that we were damn lucky that D forgave me.

Strike two for K. She then starts to wonder why I had to apologize. It obvs had nothing to do with the fact that I told her the thing that started her on her drama llama venture. (That was sarcasm). She suddenly asks me if I lied to her the day before and started the rumor myself. Something in her gut told her I did. First I said “No.” Then, as I was typing another reply, she says, “OK I believe you.” I send something like, “Why would I do that?” She goes, “It’s just that you never own up to your mistakes, R, and you have to start. See? You’re avoiding the question.”

I told her no, I already answered it.

She ends with “OK, I believe you.” I left it at that. To think that I, of all people, would ever do that to her.

The next morning (or maybe it was that night but I was asleep), completely unprompted, she sends an apology. She says she really felt like an asshole. I left it for a couple hours. Asked LR’s advice. He basically told me to just forget her. But it was a really heartfelt apology without any prompting. So I went for the bait.

But I reminded her that she had put me in trouble with LR’s friends. She tried to insist that she didn’t know his friends until I finally, thoroughly explained who they are. Then she rounds her attack.

Final strike for K. The mother of all betrayals. She says something like, “I heard from this person who heard from that person that four years ago at T’s party you talked shit about me.” I barely got to say that I don’t even remember those people before she blocked me, saying I only hang with her whenever it’s convenient for me. Obvs it has nothing to do with the fact that I have a full-time job, I volunteer many hours editing fanfiction, and would like to spend time with my boyfriend (LR) whenever I actually have the time to (that’s sarcasm).

After everything I’ve ever done and tried to do for her, she throws me away in a temper tantrum. The only real friend she ever had.

She’s going to come crawling back eventually. She always does. But I’m not going to let her back in. Ever. I’m not God, I’m not Jesus, I can’t forgive people who do something like that to me or people close to me. I’m done with K. For good. She done fucked up and lost her only real friend she ever had forever. The one with the loyalty like a dog.

I hope she’s fuckin’ happy.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m Privileged, So I Don’t Have Problems (Part 1)

My life is great. I’m 24 living with my parents. Oh, sure, I could move out. If I went and lost my fulltime status in order to get a second and even third job. Have no energy to do any of them. Have no time to sleep. No time for myself or my writing. Nothing. And forget the fact that I have a mental illness. B does it with her mental illness. So obviously everybody can do it. I’m just spoiled, that’s all. And childish. I need to put on my big girl pants and break my back to move out.

I am so mad right now, you have no idea. Just because I have a bit of a coushie life doesn’t mean I don’t have real problems. Yes, I live with my parents. Because I’m drowned in student debt and a shopping addiction, among my other issues with depression. I literally and incapable of moving out right now. And most people my age ARE still with their parents these days. It’s called a SUCKY-ASS ECONOMY! Many people my age are just as drowned in student debt as I am and can’t afford to move out. Esp with apt prices the way they are. Even bad apartments cost about as much–if not more–than our monthly student bills. And what kind of jobs do you think we have with our hard-earned degrees? Flippin’ burgers.

I have depression. Because of that, I have no control over myself. I can’t keep my room/car nice and neat and organized. I can’t control my spending. I try. Dear God, do I try. But no one believes me because I fail at it. I struggle to care enough. ‘Cause I just don’t. Why bother? What’s the point?

Yes, it is their house. But that doesn’t give my dad the right to just take all my shit and throw it in the garage. That’s MY shit. And I actually USE that shit!

 
1 Comment

Posted by on October 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , ,

G is for Grownup

I don’t feel like a grown up. Not in my house. I can’t really keep anything anywhere except my room. Where there isn’t any space for anything. My parents think I’m the messiest person on Earth. They don’t think about the fact that I merely have too much STUFF and too little space. I live in their house. I use their cars. They buy my food.

I have a spending problem. But I have a feeling, once I can no longer afford to buy all my stuff, I won’t have the spending problem anymore. I hope, anyway. Hopefully, this is going to happen soon. My friend is going to talk to her aunt and uncle about us renting out their cottage for the summer. We’re just a little stoked. Then I think I’ll start to feel more like a grownup. I’ll have my own place, my own food, my own internet, etc. Even my own pet! I’m not allowed my own pet at my parents’ house. I feel so childish.

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , ,

B for Blessing (I Wrote Another One)

The fact that I did everything that needed to be done before 6am, and I have today off of work, made me decide to write another “B” blog post. That’s allowed, right? I sure hope so…

Anyway. Depression is never a good thing. It’s a terrible, awful, miserable problem we humans face. But does it really have no good qualities at all?

I was talking with this lovely lady, andshe unintentionally made me realize something. By wishing away all that has made me depressed, I realized that I really am the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life.

I always had a tendency toward depression. I was always miserable and looking on the dark side of things. But now? I really appreciate everything bright and happy about life. I’m cheerful and always look on the bright side, now. Look for the best in people. Yeah, there are bad days and bad moods. But they’re so much worth it. I’ve never been so happy.

So, in a way, my depression has been a blessing. Yeah, I went through some tough shit. But now I’m taking medications that make my life seem worthwhile. So today, I am thanking God for burdening me with depression. Without it, I’d still be a grumbling teenager.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on April 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,