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I Hope She’s Happy

Long story/rant ahead.

I’m 25 years old.

I had this best friend for 12+ years. Ever since seventh grade. We’ll call her K. She was in a car accident as a baby, so has a Traumatic Brain Injury (I’m gonna refer to it as TBI). Because of this, she’s not the brightest. Kinda really gullible. Apt to make bad choices and wrong decisions. People always teased her or hated her or both. So I’ve always been very protective of her. People would call her name in the hall and I would turn, wondering what the heck they wanted with my K. I’ve been by her side constantly. No matter what.

Her family’s kinda fucked up. Another reason I was always there for her. Her mother is batshit, and put my family through Hell. But I was still by K’s side.

When every single person in the world turned their backs on her, I was at her side.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’m not full of myself. But with my loyalty, I know that I am pretty fuckin’ awesome.

OK. So what am I going to rant about?

My boyfriend, LR, has very few friends around home. Literally, like, two. They’re a married couple, Sh (the woman) and D (the man). Soon after I met them, K was mentioned. K knows them because of the following situation: T went to high school with me and K. T is Sh’s brother. Obvs, D is T’s brother-in-law. So, K’s name was eventually brought up. Either Sh or LR or both told me at one point, “Oh, yeah, K, she tried to hook up with D once.” I was under the impression that K had tried to hook up with him while he was married. After the fiasco I’m going to tell you about, I learned that they were not married at the time. However, they were still a couple at the time.

Being the good, loyal friend I am, I thought I should tell K this awful rumor about her. At the same time, she was having a fight with this girl, C. I was mad at C, too, because I was reading the text messages between them and C was being ridiculous. K wanted to go to C’s house and yell at her. But I firmly said “no” many times. I told K to leave these things be.

Now, strike 1 for K. She then told me that she had screenshot a private convo between me and her and sent it to C, in which I called C a “stupid bitch.” As mad as I was at C, she was still my friend. Well, now C will never talk to me again. I was pretty pissed. But K coulda done worse. And, dear God, she certainly did.

That was when I told K about the rumor. She cried, blocked ppl on fb, etc. I was there to comfort her until she was sufficiently distracted. The next day, I’m at work, and LR texts me. “D just txted me, askin who started a rumor about he & K hookin up…?…” I rounded on K.

“Who did you tell about the rumor about you and D?”

She said she had called T. She wanted to get to the bottom of it and confront whoever had started it. I told her that she should have left it alone, that now she was starting drama, and now I was in trouble with LR’s only friends that matter. Oh, and, as I didn’t know until after the fiasco, she had called T IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! She went on about how she had to stand up for herself and she was sick of people starting rumors and calling her names. I remind her that she got me in trouble with LR’s friends. She completely disregarded me. That was when I learned that D forgave me and understood that it was just K starting drama. I told K that we were damn lucky that D forgave me.

Strike two for K. She then starts to wonder why I had to apologize. It obvs had nothing to do with the fact that I told her the thing that started her on her drama llama venture. (That was sarcasm). She suddenly asks me if I lied to her the day before and started the rumor myself. Something in her gut told her I did. First I said “No.” Then, as I was typing another reply, she says, “OK I believe you.” I send something like, “Why would I do that?” She goes, “It’s just that you never own up to your mistakes, R, and you have to start. See? You’re avoiding the question.”

I told her no, I already answered it.

She ends with “OK, I believe you.” I left it at that. To think that I, of all people, would ever do that to her.

The next morning (or maybe it was that night but I was asleep), completely unprompted, she sends an apology. She says she really felt like an asshole. I left it for a couple hours. Asked LR’s advice. He basically told me to just forget her. But it was a really heartfelt apology without any prompting. So I went for the bait.

But I reminded her that she had put me in trouble with LR’s friends. She tried to insist that she didn’t know his friends until I finally, thoroughly explained who they are. Then she rounds her attack.

Final strike for K. The mother of all betrayals. She says something like, “I heard from this person who heard from that person that four years ago at T’s party you talked shit about me.” I barely got to say that I don’t even remember those people before she blocked me, saying I only hang with her whenever it’s convenient for me. Obvs it has nothing to do with the fact that I have a full-time job, I volunteer many hours editing fanfiction, and would like to spend time with my boyfriend (LR) whenever I actually have the time to (that’s sarcasm).

After everything I’ve ever done and tried to do for her, she throws me away in a temper tantrum. The only real friend she ever had.

She’s going to come crawling back eventually. She always does. But I’m not going to let her back in. Ever. I’m not God, I’m not Jesus, I can’t forgive people who do something like that to me or people close to me. I’m done with K. For good. She done fucked up and lost her only real friend she ever had forever. The one with the loyalty like a dog.

I hope she’s fuckin’ happy.

 
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Posted by on August 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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I’m Privelidged, So I Don’t Have Problems

So… I kind of owe you guys an explanation. Heheh. The post before last, part 1, was more an explosion of feelings than an articulated blog post. Sorry about that. And then I forgot to go back and actually explain what it was all about. Sorry about that. So, here goes.

My room is a mess. It’s just one huge pile of shit. I use it all, but still. If I had anywhere to put my things, they wouldn’t be there. Truth, I have clothes on the floor when there is now room for them in my closet. At least, room for some of them. I just can’t get myself to clean my room. And my car’s usually the same way. (I had to clean my car, though, because it had to go in for a recall and get fixed).

My parents can’t stand my room (or my car). It drives them insane. And apparently just shutting the door isn’t good enough. So my dad took all my stuff and threw it in the garage.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I was pretty upset. So I went on to this facebook group for women with mental disabilities looking for some support after the fight. What do I get? “You’re twenty-four years old, you should grow up, get three jobs, and move out. They’re trying to tell you to move out. Most people your age have already moved out. I moved out at 18. I have two jobs and go to school full time with a mental illness.”

A couple people went and defended me, but that just killed me. And then I got a couple other people like her. “You should have just cleaned your room” and shit. Welll, as I said, I simply can’t get myself to clean my room. I’ve tried. Hell, I can’t even get myself to do laundry anymore. Like, wtf?
So I got really pissed. And I kinda went off on a tangent that isn’t exactly what was said, but I was sure what she would think. That I was priveledged, so I couldn’t complain. Because there was a part where she said something like, “you’re lucky you even have a dad. Mine’s dead and I never see my mom.” Well, that sucks for you. Doesn’t mean life with my parents is that fan fucking tastic.

What sucks more is I usually pay rent. Now, there is the excuse that I hadn’t paid rent at the time. I struggle with money a lot. I have a spending problem and my parents are very lenient with me because of that. But still, they’re my things. Yes, it’s their house, but am I not allowed to have anything that’s MINE in my living environment? That’s not OK. Especially since I usually pay rent and do pay my own bills.
Lesigh. This sucks. Anyway, that’s the explanation. Sorry it took so long. Please don’t leave hate. Thanks for reading.

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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I’m Gonna Be a Nano Rebel

I have so many projects. Jelsa and Batley, and My Maria, In the City of Lamira, Dancing on Glass, The Old Mot, and Birdie. I just can’t add another one. So I’m going to rebel. Of my 20,000 words of Birdie, I’m going to add 50,000 more words in November. Shouldn’t be too hard. I still have a lot more I need to do. Including re-doing the whole beginning. I already published a piece of the story, but apparently you can rewrite a piece and then publish that rewrite. So I’m going to completely redo the first part of Birdie. Because my self-published Birdie sucks. Ass. All my friends and family loved it. Said “I just wish there were more,” as if they were critiquing it, lol. So I’m writing more. A lot more. Tens of thousands of words more, lol. I’m pretty excited about this piece.

It’s mostly about unhealthy and abusive relationships. I don’t know why, but I’ve always been fascinated with abusive and unhealthy relationships. So this is a bit of an overview of bad relationships that women (and men) should keep an eye out for to not get into. Behaviors that people might see in themselves or their partners that might show them “hey, this is a bad sign.” Especially for new adults, people my age (twenty-somethings). Because now we’re getting serious about settling down or what have you. Y’know?

So, have you ever had an unhealthy or even abusive relationship? Want your story to be told? But probably not with your name? Tell me all about it. E-mail me: laitiegrl@hotmail.com. Subject title: Chocolate Makes it Better. I’d love to include your story into Birdie’s.

 
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Posted by on September 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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B is for Broken Heart

My brother broke my heart.

He didn’t mean to. He was trying to help me. But it tore my heart to pieces.

Because of depression, I struggle with a lot of things. Mostly money. I just want things. And since I work my ass off at the stupid department store, I feel like I can afford them. But I really can’t. And I just get into more debt than I’m in already from going to college. My want is so strong that I can’t control it. I will be crying as I’m buying the thing because I regret it a LOT, but not enough to not buy it or to take it back. So, my parents have my card. They pay my bills and I pay them.

One day, I was complaining about not having my card with a friend. She was agreeing with me and everything–even egging me on. But it wasn’t enough that my friend (that my parents don’t like) agreed with me. I wanted someone in the family to tell them how I’m an adult, and it’s my money and my problem, etc. My sister has a lot on her plate right now, so I went to my brother.

He admitted that in his eyes, at least, I’m being a child. I’m not taking care of my own life. I’m letting Mom and Dad take care of me. He was out of the house by my age. Etc.

Can you imagine, trying so hard to be an adult in a house that treats you like a child, to be hearing that from your big brother?

…Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’ll never grow up. Fuckin’ depression.

 
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Posted by on April 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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I’m So Happeeeeee~

I’m sorry I haven’t written lately. I’m just not sure what to talk about because I’ve been so happeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~. Happy happy happy I’m the happiest person on the planet. Cymbalta, I love you. You’ve made me so freaking happy!

But I’m only generally happy. I’m not happy with my job. Did I tell you what they did? Yeah, that. So I’m looking for a new one. I’m sad to say I turned down a really good one. But it was going to be harder and less forgiving than the department store. I certainly hope I can find a good job soon. I keep getting calls from people on Monster.com. So I think I’ll update my profile on it and stuff. My mom also found an employment agency, instead of the temp agency I’ve been using. They don’t trust the temp agency. Though I have full faith in them. Eh, oh, well.

Also, my editing career is kinda taking off? My friend advertised me to her 4k (40k?) followers, and I got a hit! Question is, will I get another one after her? I don’t even know if the girl liked my editing or not :/. I’m pretty straight and to the point. I don’t sugar-coat things when I edit. So…yeah…

But it was fun, editing. I really enjoyed it. I hope I can do that for the rest of my life. Well, and publish my books.

My counselor wants me to do something fun. To do something that makes me feel like a kid again. I don’t wanna feel like a kid again. I’m an adult. I want to feel like an adult. She clarified herself, saying she wants me to do something that makes me feel free. I still don’t wanna do it. Unless I drink or something. It’s acceptable when you drink alcohol or do drugs. It’s what happens. But you can’t act silly and be free just for doing something normal. That doesn’t work.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to say. I hope ya’ll have a great day :D. Keep that chin up, your depression will get better someday.

 
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Posted by on March 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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