Why I’m Covering My Hair Tomorrow

Cover Your Locks for Love

I’m not Jewish. Nor am I married. But I asked my Jewish friend, and was assured that I could still do this for her father, Yakov Ezra ben Regina. Her family is Jewish, and her father has been in a coma for almost two years. As I lay in bed trying to sleep, and thinking about how to make work let me do this, the nay-saying part of my brain came up with some pretty good questions.

Do you believe this will help?
I don’t really know.

Do you believe in the religion?
I mean, I don’t know enough about it. But I respect it.

How can this help if you don’t believe in it?
I hope it does help. If not, it doesn’t hurt to do something this harmless when someone you care about believes it will. But I really, really hope it’ll help.

She didn’t ask YOU to do it. It’s for married, Jewish women. Besides, covering your hair is totally against what YOU believe in, isn’t it?
I don’t know if it’s against what I believe in as a feminist. BUT I’m doing it in honor and out of respect for her, her father, and the Jewish community. And I’m partly hoping that it’ll start a conversation and make people aware of, not only a man in need of prayers, but of acceptance and embrace-ment of other cultures, religions, beliefs, etc.

You never even met him.
I don’t have to. He’s M’s father. He raised a wonderful woman. And they both deserve to spend more time together and with her brother.

All in all, this is all about Yakov Ezra ben Regina. I want him to get well. And I will do all I can to honor and help that man. Readers, I ask you to pray for him. In whatever way you pray, whomever you pray to, please, include him in your prayers. Thank you.

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Posted by on June 19, 2015 in Uncategorized


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You’re a Survivor

First of all, I know, I know, I know. It’s been forEVAR since I posted. Sorry. But this is on my mind right now, at 4:30am, and I can’t sleep, anyway. So, here it is.

So, I know this woman who was attacked maybe a year and a half ago or so. When she told me about it a couple months ago, she said something that worried me. And I wish I had said something then, but I think I might print this out and have her read it when she’s alone. If anyone reading this thinks that’s a good idea, let me know in the comments after reading. Or if you think it’s a bad idea. Just let me know your thoughts.

Anyway, she said, “Yeah, it’s embarrassing, but…” I thought, ‘Embarrassing? Oh, sweetie.’ See, you gotta see how I view it. This woman has survived what many people have not. She is thriving, yes, thriving in spite of what happened to her. And so are you, reader. You are stronger than you were before. Look how far you’ve come from that horrible act done upon you. Look how much you’ve succeeded in bringing yourself back to normalcy. No, you will never be the same as before. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t going back to normalcy.

As an outsider and an acquaintance, it looks like this woman has already come back to normalcy. In just a year! That’s unbelievable, imo. I never would have guessed that she had ever experienced that. It’s something to celebrate.

I was never physically attacked. But I was emotionally destroyed. Long story short, I was made to see my entire future burn before my eyes (metaphorically). And was told, “It’s not burning. It’s going in a different direction.” Bullshit. My world came crashing down and I fell into depression and overeating. It’s been three years and I’m still not back to normalcy. My meds still aren’t fully figured out and I’m fat as fuck.

But, I am a survivor. Like you, I have fought against the desire to hurt myself. The desire to treat myself like shit. We’re not perfect at it, I know. We have bad days. We have days where we break our stand and give up. But, if you’re reading this, know that we have never given up entirely. You and I, us survivors, we’ve made it through this far. You may have a long way to go, but look how far you’ve come.

I hope these words have helped you, reader. And I think they may help the woman I know. But I don’t want to dig up the past on her, either. If she’s embarrassed, she might be embarrassed to know that I think about it, and her, every now and again. BUT I’m a nice person and that niceness inside me just wants spill over and give her something to smile about. To help her change her view about herself, maybe. Idk, what do you guys think?

PS, if you ever need someone to talk to, e-mail me. It may take me a while to get back to you, but I will.

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Posted by on June 3, 2015 in Uncategorized


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H for Help, I for Ignorance, and J for Jokes

…Aaaand still behind. Thanks for all the support, though!!!~

H for Help. I was lucky. I got a lot of help in school because of my ADD. Actually, I got a bit too much help. To the point where I would get out of doing work. All I had to say was “It’s too hard,” and they would help me, and I didn’t have to think very hard. My parents tried to have that not happen. But they can only do so much to influence what happens in the classroom, y’know? But the extra time for tests and the like, that helped a lot.

Nowadays, I get help in the forms of my counselor, my parents, and my boyfriend. I’m learning more and more about myself and how this or that “is an Aspie thing,” and I shouldn’t feel bad about myself because of it. I’ve often thought I was weird or something because of this or that. So it feels good to know. And now that we know, we’re working on ways to help me in other areas, too. Like my eating.

I for Ignorance. I’m beginning to feel the ignorance around me, however. With my coworkers, mostly. They don’t understand certain things about me. Like how I have systems for things. And how those systems have to be done correctly. They don’t understand that I don’t understand the social cues. That lots of times, my mind goes blank and I have no idea what to say or how to express myself. Their ignorance ties in with…

J for Jokes. I’m really just talking about just one coworker, here. We’ll call him F. F likes to joke around. A lot. He finds all my buttons and presses them. Hard. And I can’t tell if he’s joking or not because he doesn’t use a joking voice. Not an obvious one, anyway, like I do. He doesn’t laugh when he’s pulling the joke, either. And he jokes about things you really shouldn’t joke about. Like joking that he got the open boss position and he was going to fire me. So, I’m just inclined to think he’s a jerk that doesn’t know when to keep his trap shut. But I’ll work with him, anyway. And when he’s being obvious about his jokes, I’ll laugh. Because I’m an adult, and we have to work together. So, there.

Thanks for reading!


Posted by on April 12, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Terry Trueman

So, I go on Twitter sometimes. Just to amuse my boredom, mostly. But I also use it for the #pitmad (pitch madness), connecting with writers/friends, and connecting with authors of books I like. Like, OMG, twice, now, I’ve tweeted with Elizabeth Chadwick about her books. *Mandatory starstruck squeal* But it gets even better. I’ve also tweeted with Terry Trueman.

Now, I’m not saying Terry Trueman is better than Elizabeth Chadwick. I haven’t tried simple “chatting” with her. Terry Trueman, however…

This amazing author of Stuck in NeutralCruise Control, and a number of other AWESOME books I have yet (but really want) to read, is just the best role model for writers like me. Why? Because of how he takes criticism. See, the first time we tweeted each other, it started with me calling him out on something on his Twitter that I thought was inappropriate. I can’t remember the rest of the conversation, but what was the result? A follow! And a new chatting buddy! *Mandatory starstruck scream*

The second time, today, I was totally teasing him about something on his Twitter and he took it perfectly in stride. We chatted a little about it, and then he thanked me! Ahhhhhhhhhh~

So, I may be a little drunk on starstruck-juice, but I know that later I’ll still be saying that Terry Trueman really is a remarkable author with a great attitude. He’s definitely one of my role-models. And, of course, my new fave author evar.

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Posted by on April 12, 2015 in Uncategorized


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E for Entertainment, F for Family, G for God

I’m doing awful with a-z this year D:. I barely have time to write my own blogs! Let alone go to other people’s! D:. I’m so sorry! I’m going to go to commenters’ blogs as soon as I possibly can, I promise!

E for Entertainment. This may be my ADD, but I almost always have to be entertained. Until recently, though, that was always super-easy. Until recently, when in doubt, I could always just close my eyes (or stare off in the distance) and daydream. I was always daydreaming. My stories, my future, even things that might happen as soon as later that day. This ability of mine was very helpful, especially because at work, I spend most of my time standing around waiting for customers. And on weekdays, business can be pretty slow.

Sadly, however, I seem to have lost this daydreaming ability. I’m hoping it’s because, A) my ADD meds seem to no longer be working, and/or B) I have nothing to daydream about. I’m reading historical fiction currently, and it doesn’t inspire much daydreaming out of me. And my future? Doesn’t look too promising right now :/. So I avoid thinking about it.

So what do I do? I read. Or listen to my book. When you get the kindle version of your book and the audible, your devices will keep track of where you left off on each version. So, for example, I can read half of chapter one, then skip right into listening to the other half. It’s fantastic!

F for Family. Family is numero uno in my life. Even before God. Sorry, but that’s how it is. People say that Asperger’s usually comes down in the family genes. Well, I can’t figure out where my Asperger’s came from. Neither of my parents show any signs. The only thing my mom has is that she moisturizes her hands once in a while with the Aveeno. I don’t think that’s anything.

We have a dog. A Lassie dog. I love to pet him. And I love him, of course. My counselor suggested petting him when I want to eat, to see if it’ll help curb my cravings. Didn’t work, but it was a good thought. Because I love petting the dog.

G for God. Basically, my religion post. Short and sweet, though. My dad grew up Lutherin, my mom Roman Catholic. My dad “converted” so that they could marry, and we were raised Roman Catholic. But, of course, my dad still had his Lutherin influence.

I’m excited to have my own kids for many, many reasons. One is so that, when I’m comforting them, I can finally say something like, “God will provide.” Because no one believes in God. So I can’t comfort anyone with that, when it would actually bring me a lot of comfort. My dad’s God speeches always made me feel better. Because I believe. When I have my own kids, I can raise them however I want. So I can tell them, “God will provide.”

But I don’t agree with most of the Bible or churches or whatever. I have my own belief system that is still Christianity and I like it how it is. BTW, I’m only a Christian because of Mary. I’m not too big on the Jesus thing, but I feel close to Mary and just can’t let her go :/. Lol.

Thanks for reading!


Posted by on April 8, 2015 in Uncategorized


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D for Depression

I know, I’m a day late. I’m sorry :(.

I heard that a lot of Aspies have depression. I didn’t find out I may have Asperger’s until I was diagnosed with depression. At first, I didn’t believe I had depression. I always had a tendency towards it. But with the way I was raised, I never believed I would actually have it. It’s complicated. But when the doctor started talking about medicating me, and when I considered the fact that I simply couldn’t get myself to do my homework no matter how hard I tried, I started to think, maybe.

About a year or so later, my parents were very concerned about the way I was going with my spending and the state of my bedroom (it’s disgusting). So they got in contact with a counselor. It wasn’t long after that when she started to think I might have Asperger’s. I’m not too sure what made her think it. Just all the sensory issues and stuff, I guess.

So I’m just another Aspie with depression, but it came about the other way around.


Posted by on April 5, 2015 in Uncategorized


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C is for Chocolate

Of course I have to do a post about chocolate and how it relates to my Asperger’s. Because it does.

I am obsessed with chocolate, and other foods that taste good but aren’t necessarily good for you. Part of my Asperger’s is that I’m very sensitive to taste. I am extremely picky. And when I like something, I really, really like it. And when I don’t like something, I really loathe it. I can’t eat it at all.

That’s one of the reasons why I’m so fat. I can’t have enough of what I like. It literally gets to the point where I’m force-feeding myself because I’m either craving so bad, or it just tastes so good, or both.

I generally like things plain. I don’t understand why people need seasonings, sauces, or spices. The food tastes just fine the way it is. Besides, I usually don’t like the seasoning, sauce, or spice, anyway.

I’m very reluctant to try new things. I usually end up not liking the thing I try. But L’s got me a little more willing to.


Posted by on April 3, 2015 in Uncategorized


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B is for Blanket and Boyfriend

So I just recently learned that sometimes, people with Autism have a comfort object that they like to hold when they’re upset or something. I was all “Ooh! I have one of those!” I’ve been super-attached to my baby blanket since I was, well, a baby! Actually, I have two blankets, lol. So I never had to be without it when it was being washed, lolz. Anyway, I had it with me every day. Slept with it, brought it downstairs to play with every day, etc. Now, of course, all I do is sleep with it. Mostly because it’s the best thing to cuddle with. It’s cuddle-able, but not so cuddle-able that it’ll feel like it’s pressing against my neck or chest and choking me. Does that make sense? Especially because I squeeze my arms really tight when I sleep.

My grandmother always said I would somehow get my blanket into my wedding dress. Well, don’t worry, I won’t. That’s ridiculous. But I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get rid of it at night :/. I just need that thing to cuddle more than anything else. And a man is too big :P.

I also use my blanket when watching horror movies at night. I’m such a baby :P.

I also wanted to mention my boyfriend. He also has Asperger’s and has had a pivotal role in teaching me so much about myself. He says I’ve taught him a lot about himself, too. But he’d have to make his own blog post about that ;P. Because I can’t speak for anyone but myself. Anyway, when I mention something, say, “weird” about myself, he’ll say, “it’s an Aspie thing,” and it’ll obviously explain it and make me feel so much better about myself. He understands my quirks because he has Asperger’s, too. And he asks if he doesn’t understand. Like when he asked why I didn’t like cheese. Was it the texture? I explained, nope. I just don’t like the taste. And that’s Asperger’s, too, right? Just not liking taste.

He’s been fantastic. Super supportive of me and my learning, etc. And I’ve tried to be for him, of course. But the fact that I was lucky enough to meet this wonderful young man to teach me so much about myself, among everything else he has done for me, I just can’t grasp it. Thanks so much, L. You’re the best (:. <33.

P.S. The brand of my mom’s moisturizer is Aveeno.

P.P.S. I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to everyone’s blogs yet. I’m going to get to it today. Promise. I’m just so busy on days that I work!


Posted by on April 2, 2015 in Uncategorized



A is for Asperger’s

They think I have Asperger’s. So I’ve studied up a bit on Asperger’s. But I haven’t studied up much on Autism in general. So I’m going to try and avoid Autism in general this month, and really focus on the Asperger’s.

No one ever even thought I had Asperger’s. Never occurred to anyone until a year(?) or so ago when I started seeing my counselor. Growing up, there were a few signs that I was different from everyone else. But I thought that the things that made me different were actually things that everyone had, they just never talked about them. Like the inescapable feeling that inanimate objects have thoughts and feelings. Despite reason. I thought everyone felt the same, it was just that no one talked about it.

I am extra sensitive to touch. I can’t stand touching most things when my hands are dry. Don’t even think about it when my hands are pruny. I live on my mom’s moisturizer. Can I say the brand here? Because that’s the only brand that actually works. I don’t know if I can. So I won’t. But I live on it.

I think I may be extra sensitive to sound. I was diagnosed with ADD at a very young age. And along with the usual ADD symptoms, I do, indeed, hear everything. And am easily distracted by it. I HAVE to see what that sound was, no matter what I’m doing right now. I also remember, as a kid, the toilet flush used to scare the crap outta me, and I remember always wanting to cover my ears. Now I recognize that as a sign that the kid’s hearing is extra sensitive to that sound. Sadly, I think my hearing is getting damaged, but that’s a different story and not related to my Asperger’s.

I have a hard time with emotions and social interactions, too. My family complained that I wasn’t smiling in most of the pictures of my brother’s wedding. They said I analyze things too much. I didn’t understand the point of smiling all day. It would hurt my cheeks. I mean, yes, it was a very happy day and I was very happy. But that doesn’t mean you have to smile all day. Idk, it didn’t make sense to me.

I usually can’t tell when people are joking or not. Even though I took look for changes in voice.

I love routines. And when my routines are interrupted, I usually get very upset. But I try not to show it, unless it’s in a joking manner.

That’s all I can think of right now. I hope you enjoyed reading! Happy A-Z Challenge!


Posted by on April 1, 2015 in Uncategorized


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How Am I Supposed to Promote Myself?

I’m trying to get my editing business off the ground. Especially considering I totally can’t handle a real job anymore (dear God, that’s a whole other story). I’ve got recommendations and examples of my editing out the wazoo and do so much free editing of fanfiction I can barely stand it. So how am I supposed to promote myself?

Facebook? Haha, you’re funny. None of the groups will let you promote yourself. They only let you recommend other people. Like, what? How does that make any sense? I’m good at what I do and I have proof of it that I -will- give you FOR FREE before you decide to choose me or not. My rates are high but think about what I’m doing for you and the labor I’m putting in. I’m editing, proofreading, and critiquing. All at once. If not twice. Honestly? A penny a word is not that bad. AND I’m always open to giving discounts and/or exchanges in services. I’m a writer, too, and need my own editor.

So, nope, I have to pay to be on that annoying sidebar. 1. I has no monies. That’s kinda the whole point of this. To earn monies. 2. Who’s going to click on that sidebar and choose me? I never even pay attention to the sidebars.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do you have any ideas? Can you help a girl out? Please?


Posted by on March 23, 2015 in Uncategorized


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