I’m angry. At a lot of people and things. I’m angry at the CAFE people I just heard about in an article about man-splaying. Here. Like seriously? Can we get any more whiney or misogynistic?
I’m angry at work. They give someone recognition for something I did ten times better than him that day. AND HE HADN’T EVEN BEEN COVERING PEOPLE LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT DAY!!! He had literally UP and LEFT me with an obviously HUGE order WITHOUT A WORD. WTF.
I’m angry at people that call themselves fat. Bitch, you don’t know what fat is. You don’t know what it’s like to BE fat. You know nothing. If you don’t have an eating disorder, gtfo. It’s because of bitches like that that my world is being invalidated.
I have anxiety, too. Mostly about work.
I work in this magical place called retail where you don’t have to even think you might have done something wrong to have done something wrong. Pissed someon off. Whatever. I’m in constant worry that I just screwed up or have screwed something up.
I grew up around a group of friends that insulted each other to show that we cared. It was kinda counter-productive, but now I don’t know how to treat people.
I’m a girl. I know all about reading between the lines. About being two-faced. And trust me, in my mind, I get pretty nasty when I judge people. Which I try not to do, but it’s human nature and people tend to piss me off. So I’m always nervous that people are like me, hating me on the inside but treating me nice on the outside.
I’m still always anxious about doing shit wrong at work and getting in trouble. I’ve gotten in trouble for stupid shit.
I’m anxiouis about being anxious. Am I anxious? Or am I just invading the anxiety world? Especially because I always get panic attacks for a reason. They don’t pop up out of nowhere. They’re triggered. So that makes them not-panic attacks? I don’t know.
I don’t know anything. I just feel like sitting here, crying, now. I feel invalidated and ashamed and disgusted wtih myself.