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I Have Anger and Anxiety

04 Jan

I’m angry. At a lot of people and things. I’m angry at the CAFE people I just heard about in an article about man-splaying. Here. Like seriously? Can we get any more whiney or misogynistic?

I’m angry at work. They give someone recognition for something I did ten times better than him that day. AND HE HADN’T EVEN BEEN COVERING PEOPLE LIKE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THAT DAY!!! He had literally UP and LEFT me with an obviously HUGE order WITHOUT A WORD. WTF.

I’m angry at people that call themselves fat. Bitch, you don’t know what fat is. You don’t know what it’s like to BE fat. You know nothing. If you don’t have an eating disorder, gtfo. It’s because of bitches like that that my world is being invalidated.

I have anxiety, too. Mostly about work.

I work in this magical place called retail where you don’t have to even think you might have done something wrong to have done something wrong. Pissed someon off. Whatever. I’m in constant worry that I just screwed up or have screwed something up.

I grew up around a group of friends that insulted each other to show that we cared. It was kinda counter-productive, but now I don’t know how to treat people.

I’m a girl. I know all about reading between the lines. About being two-faced. And trust me, in my mind, I get pretty nasty when I judge people. Which I try not to do, but it’s human nature and people tend to piss me off. So I’m always nervous that people are like me, hating me on the inside but treating me nice on the outside.

I’m still always anxious about doing shit wrong at work and getting in trouble. I’ve gotten in trouble for stupid shit.

I’m anxiouis about being anxious. Am I anxious? Or am I just invading the anxiety world? Especially because I always get panic attacks for a reason. They don’t pop up out of nowhere. They’re triggered. So that makes them not-panic attacks? I don’t know.

I don’t know anything. I just feel like sitting here, crying, now. I feel invalidated and ashamed and disgusted wtih myself.

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3 responses to “I Have Anger and Anxiety

  1. lradams86

    January 4, 2015 at 8:16 pm

    The CAFE people….WTF????

    The work issue with that co worker babe, I said it earlier, that was wrong of them on their part. You work hard, and did a lot more than he did, and for them not to even attempt to recognize you is pathetic on their part.

    I know we just spoke about it a few minutes ago via phone, don’t let customers get you down Lacey. They are assnapkins, crotch goblins, idiots. Don’t let them get you down, they will always try to complain about something, but don’t let them get you down. There is no reason to worry about customers that act like that. If they don’t like it, than it’s their own damn fault. It is not our fault they complain everytime someone farts the wrong way or has a different view than us! And fuck them if those people hate you on the inside, they are the ones who will not understand you until it is too late.

    You have no reason to be ashamed for being who you are, or to feel ashamed or disgusted. Just remember life is all about learning. It is a dance, we learn as we go. I do know the panic attacks well, I got them for the longest time in college myself.

    Just remember, you are strong, and you are a pretty wonderful person. Don’t change who you are and go to the beat of your own drum, it is what makes you unique <33

     
  2. Susan Scott

    January 28, 2015 at 10:18 am

    It’s great that you can express your anger so clearly .. many of us can’t. And especially, you articulate very well the conflicts …

    So, I congratulate you – you express so well what many of us, without our even knowing – you’re a zillion times further than many of us ..

    I found you on the 2015 A-Z sign up list – I’m visiting those who are 5 before and 5 after me on the signup list. Am glad I found you..

     
    • Laitie

      January 28, 2015 at 10:33 am

      Aww thank you so much. I never realized how hard it is for other people to express these things. For me, it is second nature, lol. Thank you for visiting! I am working on returning the favor while currently at work, lol!

       

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