I’ve struggled with my weight ever since I was, like, ten. So pretty much forever. OK, fourteen years. Same diff. Either way, it’s pretty much been all my life. Even when I wasn’t really overweight at all, I thought I was fat. And it wasn’t just because of media. Other girls around me were a lot skinnier than me, too. Still are. Always have been. I’ve always seen myself as overweight. Overweight in the least bit = fat.
Now that I’ve established that, I think I have a serious problem. I should bring this up with my counselor . . .
No, I don’t eat right. But I’m going to tell you right now, if I ate right, there’s a good chance I would still be overweight. I have this condition called Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Among other issues, it makes it 10x easier for me to gain weight, and 10x harder for me to lose. So I’ve kinda given up before I’ve begun. Why bother? It’s gonna be a shitton harder for me than for everyone else. And then it’ll pile back on.
And I know this is true. For two summers, I would bike five+ miles every single day and didn’t lose a single pound. People told me it was because I ate too much. But I didn’t eat anything more than I did during the rest of the year.
I don’t eat right. A big part of that is my Asperger’s making me a very picky eater. I don’t like a lot of healthy foods. They taste awful or have a nasty texture that I simply can’t stand. And when I do like something, I -really- like it. Like a lot. And I can’t stop liking it. I need more and more and more of it. Even when my stomach tells me to stop, I can’t. Because, as my counselor has explained, I don’t get enough sensational satisfaction outside of eating.
I hate exercise. Absolutely loathe it with a passion. That endorphine crap that’s supposed to happen? That’s bullshit. I never feel good exercising. I never feel better during or after. I feel hot, sweaty, exhausted, dirty, and otherwise like complete and utter shit. So, no, I don’t exercise despite the stupid gym membership I was talked into.
Society doesn’t help. They show skinny-ass bitches holding trays with giant-ass portions. Like, wtf? Our fat-filled food are giant-sized and our healthy foods are expensive. And we don’t have time, energy, money, or knowledge to make healthy meals. Yes, I read about how we simply don’t have the knowledge or time, these days, to make healthy meals. And I’d like to add in time and energy. Because I do have the time to make a healthy dinner and leftover lunch for myself, and even breakfast, after work. But, dear God, do you think I have the energy? Not after eight+ hours of retail. Especially now, around holiday time. Even if I could afford the healthy foods with my minimum wage I’m trying to pay my student loans off with.
But they want us girls to be skinny as shit. They want us to starve ourselves if we have to. Whatever we have to to make and/or keep ourselves size 0. Oh, you have hips? You’re fat, fuck you.
Now, pop out babies!
It just doesn’t work.
Do you struggle with your weight?