Monthly Archives: September 2014

I’m Gonna Be a Nano Rebel

I have so many projects. Jelsa and Batley, and My Maria, In the City of Lamira, Dancing on Glass, The Old Mot, and Birdie. I just can’t add another one. So I’m going to rebel. Of my 20,000 words of Birdie, I’m going to add 50,000 more words in November. Shouldn’t be too hard. I still have a lot more I need to do. Including re-doing the whole beginning. I already published a piece of the story, but apparently you can rewrite a piece and then publish that rewrite. So I’m going to completely redo the first part of Birdie. Because my self-published Birdie sucks. Ass. All my friends and family loved it. Said “I just wish there were more,” as if they were critiquing it, lol. So I’m writing more. A lot more. Tens of thousands of words more, lol. I’m pretty excited about this piece.

It’s mostly about unhealthy and abusive relationships. I don’t know why, but I’ve always been fascinated with abusive and unhealthy relationships. So this is a bit of an overview of bad relationships that women (and men) should keep an eye out for to not get into. Behaviors that people might see in themselves or their partners that might show them “hey, this is a bad sign.” Especially for new adults, people my age (twenty-somethings). Because now we’re getting serious about settling down or what have you. Y’know?

So, have you ever had an unhealthy or even abusive relationship? Want your story to be told? But probably not with your name? Tell me all about it. E-mail me: Subject title: Chocolate Makes it Better. I’d love to include your story into Birdie’s.

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Posted by on September 29, 2014 in Uncategorized


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My Boyfriend’s Mother Hates Me

My boyfriend’s mother hates me. And we’ve only been dating less than three months. They had a fight this morning. She started going off about me. Probably about my weight. And how I’m probably encouraging him to gain weight. ‘Cause that’s what all fat people do, right?

I’m sorry if my weight offends you, Mrs. A, but it’s really none of your business. Neither is your 28-year-old son’s weight. At least, not when it’s just a little extra tummy weight.

I’ve struggled with food all my life. It’s not as easy-peasy for me as it was for you. Everyone’s different.¬†Yes, my antidepressants have something to do with my problems. But y’know what? Without those, I’d have killed myself by now. By¬†accident. I’d rather be fat than dead by my own hand. I dunno, those are my priorities. Maybe yours aren’t the same.

I’ve shown her nothing but respect, despite what I think of her. And I’ll continue to show her that. I’m writing this so that I don’t strangle her the next time I see her and she tries to start something. Which she probably will.

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Posted by on September 12, 2014 in Depression


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Don’t Do it

Never, ever, EVAR call 911 and say “suicide.”

I made that mistake last weekend.

My parents yelled at me over something stupid, I was in hysterics, couldn’t find any phone numbers, all I could think was “911 will give me a phone number.” Well, he tried to get me on with Lifeline, but the call dropped. So he sent an officer out who cuffed me and took me to the hospital.

My sister yelled at me.

My family doesn’t understand that I just can’t do things the way they do. I just can’t do it “the right way.” I have to do it a different way.

My therapist, doctor, and I think I have Aspberger’s.

My family gets on my case over things that don’t matter to me in the least. And I’m a grown woman (24 years old). So these things aren’t really that important. Now, if it were hygiene or something, yeah, that’d be important. But it’s thinks like shaving my armpits (I am NOT putting a razor to one of the most sensitive parts of my body) or cleaning my room. I just don’t care. I have other things to worry about. Like my spending.

I’m giving my parents all my money for six months. They’ll control everything. Hopefully that’ll break my spending. In six months.

Aspie ladies, how do I grow up? What do I need to learn so I finally stop thinking about just me and start thinking about my future and the well-being of my family? How do I handle life? How do I adult?

My sister tells me I need to get over what happened to me at school. She doesn’t get how badly it fucked me up psychologically. Like, really bad. Because of that, I no longer believe that I’m going to have a future. Not, like, I’m gonna die. More like, I’m gonna be in retail all my life. No family of my own or anything, either.

On top of everything else in my life (PCOS, familial habits, being a woman, etc.), having Aspberger’s makes it harder for me to lose weight, too. I like the taste and texture of the most unhealthy foods. Like pasta. Omg yummm~. But my therapist suggested some things to help replace that. Like, instead of just peanut butter sandwiches, throw some turkey in there, too. Look for healthy things that are soft and I can bite into them. Suggestions? Also, add cinnamon to sweet things. Will help slow the digestion.

That’s pretty much all we talked about. So, yeah. Fun times.

Life with my parents is hard. But it’s the best choice right now because I don’t know how to adult. What am I missing?

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Posted by on September 5, 2014 in Uncategorized


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