Today, I received such a big relief that I cried. Of course, that had nothing to do with the fact that I didn’t take my meds yesterday…>>.
Ever since I got out of college, I’ve had some really bad impulse problems. I just buy stuff that I want. And buy and buy and buy. And I’m too happy to have the item to return it. Ever since I was a kid, I was able to control these impulses that probably came from ADD. But then I left college, and I was earning my own money, and I wanted to use that money on me. Me, me, me.
Well, now I’m behind on bills and my parents are screaming at me every day for one financial screw-up after another. Finally, they decided to call the doctor.
I went it today. I talked and talked and talked. He said that I seem to be under a lot of pressure because of how much I talked. I told him that I just plain love to talk. But he could be right. I do feel a lot of pressure. Mostly from my parents, but whatever.
In the end, he said I may have some OCD or Bipolar. Either way, I’m misdiagnosed and need to be medicated differently. He’s currently working on getting a psychiatrist to work with him and me.
Can I say RELIEF? All this time, everyone thought it was just me being immature and not taking control of myself because I was lazy. But I really do have a problem. It has nothing to do with me being immature or lazy. Oh, I cried and cried. I’m so happy, now.
He said that he sees a miserable cycle going on in my life. I don’t have a good job because I don’t have the right degree. I can’t get the right degree because I don’t have the money to go back to school. I don’t have the money because I don’t have a good job. He said I’m being overworked and under-appreciated. That is, working my ass off for little more than minimum wage. I think he said something about the pressure from my parents, too, but I can’t be sure about that part.
Anyway, I wanted to share my relief with you all. I’m not just some lazy, impulsive, immature young woman. I’m a woman with impulsivity problems that need to be fixed. Ahhhh~