B is for Broken Heart

02 Apr

My brother broke my heart.

He didn’t mean to. He was trying to help me. But it tore my heart to pieces.

Because of depression, I struggle with a lot of things. Mostly money. I just want things. And since I work my ass off at the stupid department store, I feel like I can afford them. But I really can’t. And I just get into more debt than I’m in already from going to college. My want is so strong that I can’t control it. I will be crying as I’m buying the thing because I regret it a LOT, but not enough to not buy it or to take it back. So, my parents have my card. They pay my bills and I pay them.

One day, I was complaining about not having my card with a friend. She was agreeing with me and everything–even egging me on. But it wasn’t enough that my friend (that my parents don’t like) agreed with me. I wanted someone in the family to tell them how I’m an adult, and it’s my money and my problem, etc. My sister has a lot on her plate right now, so I went to my brother.

He admitted that in his eyes, at least, I’m being a child. I’m not taking care of my own life. I’m letting Mom and Dad take care of me. He was out of the house by my age. Etc.

Can you imagine, trying so hard to be an adult in a house that treats you like a child, to be hearing that from your big brother?

…Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’ll never grow up. Fuckin’ depression.


Posted by on April 2, 2014 in Uncategorized


Tags: , , , , , ,

9 responses to “B is for Broken Heart

  1. lunajsalazar

    April 2, 2014 at 1:39 am

    Sounds to me that your brother doesn’t understand the daily pain you have to deal with. It’s not his fault. Most people don’t understand what depression really feels like.
    And growing up sucks, anyway. It’s overrated. I wish I never had to grow up. Maybe we could run away to Neverland and be children forever??

    • Laitie

      April 2, 2014 at 1:44 am

      Yeah, it’s like no one in my family does :(.

      Haha, yeah, I thought it was overrated. Neverland? Of course! Let’s fly away! πŸ˜€

      • lunajsalazar

        April 2, 2014 at 5:05 pm

        Don’t mind them. Just focus on getting better. πŸ™‚

  2. Princess of Dragons

    April 2, 2014 at 5:16 am

    You have all my hugs and sympathy. I had mild depression and I know what it’s like to not want to get up in the mornings and do thing you know you’ll regret but you do them anyway for the chance to feel even a tiny bit better.

    I recommend hot chocolate, with marshmallows on top. It always made me feel a tiny bit warmer on the inside.

  3. parichitasingh

    April 2, 2014 at 5:59 am

    Sorry for you bad experience, but remember no heart remains broken forever. He might not understand your problem today, but he will, one day. Don’t take his words or anybody else’s words to heart. And remember, chocolate makes everything better! πŸ™‚

  4. Bish Denham

    April 2, 2014 at 7:42 am

    I’m sorry that you struggle with depression and the urge to buy stuff you don’t need. It must be frustrating. As for you brother, it sounds like he simply told you what you already know to be true.

  5. Bridgina Molloy

    April 2, 2014 at 1:23 pm

    It’s difficult isn’t it. ((hugs))

  6. Anna Stewart

    April 2, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    Oi. Feel free to ignore me if you want. But I feel compelled to speak here. First, I understand about being down and looking on the dark side of life. I understand about buying things you can’t afford. And how being depressed leads you to want “stuff.” And I really really get wanting to feel grown up and independent.

    That said, I get the impression that your parents are trying to help. Whether it’s the wrong way or the right way, I don’t know. But, if you want your card back and want to be treated as a grown up…have you tried sitting down with them and asking them what it would take to prove to them you have grown up and are now ready to be responsible for yourself? Set yourself little goals to earn that privilege back?

    As for your brother, forgive the guy. He’s…your brother. Brothers will often be blunt and maybe a little insensitive…I’m guessing he didn’t mean it to come out as harshly as it might have seemed.

    Hang in there! πŸ™‚

    • Laitie

      April 3, 2014 at 2:57 am

      Oh, I know my parents are trying to help. And they’ve been told (OK, not taught) the right way to help. But they’re ignoring that advice. But I know the good intentions are there.

      I do forgive my brother. Kinda. It really, really hurt to hear that from my big brother. But it’s his impression of me and I can’t control that. I’m not really mad at him anymore, I just wanted to share my troubles.

      Thank you!


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