Catching Up

26 Jan

WOW it’s been a long time since I wrote. I still get anxiety. In fact, there’s been a new development on my anxiety. Usually, I get anxiety attacks for some reason. Because something was said or done. But yesterday, I was just sitting there. Sitting there waiting for them to finish fixing my glasses. And BAM! Heart racing, sweating, can’t breathe. Out of absolutely nowhere! And I had no Xanax around, because I keep it in my work stuff. Because I only get attacks at work. Besides, Xanax isn’t working anymore, anyway. So I had to run to Kmart, buy some food, and wait it out. I bought so much food…

That’s another problem. Eating. I do nothing but eat. Eat eat eat. Food food food. I’m so fucking fat! Ugh! We decided this is because I don’t have enough sensory activities in my life. So where am I going to get sensory activities? The only thing I can think of is petting the dog. My counselor gave me a worksheet…

We’re also screwing with my meds still. I don’t want to be on Sertreline anymore because I can’t orgasm on it. Yes, that’s exactly why I don’t want to be on it. A girl’s got her needs. So now I’m on Welbutrin and it’s working beautifully. But I can’t drink on it, which really sucks. I’m at my happiest when I’m drunk. I love it so much. I’m not addicted, but it’s a definitely huge want. Then we started reducing the Sertreline and all Hell broke loose. I’m nervous to see what will happen when we take me off the Abilify D:.

Because I can no longer drink, I’m looking for other ways to let loose. Energy drinks are possible, but my body’s getting too used to them too quickly. Idk how many I’d have to drink now in order to get “high.”

Oh, and here’s a plus. Apparently I have autism, too. Because of my sensory and social issues. Yeah, I have sensory issues. Like, I can’t stand touching soft things (particularly fabrics) when my hands are all dry and/or pruny. And I tend to appreciate soft fabrics more than other people, I noticed. I guess it’s weird o_o.

So…that’s about it. I’m gonna try to post once a week, now. On -this- blog. I’ll focus on depression, but I’ll talk about other topics. Like my writing career (or therelackof). How’s that sound? Good?

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Posted by on January 26, 2014 in Uncategorized


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